So here's a thing. Having tired of the thug-o-matic for the time being, I've turned my attention to something that'll automatically generate treasures based on DF8. It randomly picks a bunch of items and embellishments with total values within a range I provide (in this case, $1000 to $5000), spits out the list and grand totals, and I come up with suitable prose. Here's a bunch, which seem to have ended up no more than slightly Vancian. I don't think it's quite accounting for everything yet, but it's at least partly there:
A high-quality if well-used piece of leather armor, dyed a deep, dull blue but marked with an indelible bloodstain over the heart. It carries an unmistakable chill with it, but allows the user to cast the Cool spell. Leather armor; Fine quality, Stained (CF -0.1), Dyed (average), Aura Of Cold; Cool enchantment. $4,380; 7.5 lbs.
An articulated, albeit mundane and inert, prosthetic hand, inlaid extensively with tiny beads of glass and glazed ceramic in shades of yellow and red. Prosthetic Hand, Inlay (cheap, extensive). $3,200, 1 lb.
A pair of magnifying lenses held in a large, hinged, v-shaped frame, suitable for perching on one's nose. The frames are gilded, inlaid with a curling, wave-like pattern in pale blue enamel, painted with tiny fish and birds around the waves, and decorated with long braided silk tassels which double as ties to keep them on the user's face. Corrective Spectacles, Gilding, Inlay (cheap, extensive), Painting/Enamel (minimal), Fringe (expensive). $4,425.00; 0.5 lbs.
A plumbata which leaves a shower of tiny sparks when it moves and allows the user to speak with remarkable powers of persuasion. Plumbata, Visible Trail (Sparkling Motes), Silver Tongue enchantment (cast only). $4,040, 1 lb.
A solid necklace made from bronze, covered in geometric patterns of red enamel and inlaid with the crude shapes of hammers and spears picked out in flecks of polished marble. The torc is somewhat worse for wear, with some of the exposed bronze gone green with age. Average Bronze Torc, Painting/Enamel (extensive), Inlay (cheap, extensive), Corroded (CF -0.25). $1,788, 2.25 lbs.
An iron strongbox divided into small cubicles. It carries with it the faint scent of decay, but provides the user with flaming hands while the moon is waning. Strongbox, Iron, Compartmentalized, Scent (Decay), Burning Touch (Time Restrictions (Waning Moon)). $4,725, 18 lbs.
A high-quality if well-used piece of leather armor, dyed a deep, dull blue but marked with an indelible bloodstain over the heart. It carries an unmistakable chill with it, but allows the user to cast the Cool spell. Leather armor; Fine quality, Stained (CF -0.1), Dyed (average), Aura Of Cold; Cool enchantment. $4,380; 7.5 lbs.
An articulated, albeit mundane and inert, prosthetic hand, inlaid extensively with tiny beads of glass and glazed ceramic in shades of yellow and red. Prosthetic Hand, Inlay (cheap, extensive). $3,200, 1 lb.
A pair of magnifying lenses held in a large, hinged, v-shaped frame, suitable for perching on one's nose. The frames are gilded, inlaid with a curling, wave-like pattern in pale blue enamel, painted with tiny fish and birds around the waves, and decorated with long braided silk tassels which double as ties to keep them on the user's face. Corrective Spectacles, Gilding, Inlay (cheap, extensive), Painting/Enamel (minimal), Fringe (expensive). $4,425.00; 0.5 lbs.
A plumbata which leaves a shower of tiny sparks when it moves and allows the user to speak with remarkable powers of persuasion. Plumbata, Visible Trail (Sparkling Motes), Silver Tongue enchantment (cast only). $4,040, 1 lb.
A solid necklace made from bronze, covered in geometric patterns of red enamel and inlaid with the crude shapes of hammers and spears picked out in flecks of polished marble. The torc is somewhat worse for wear, with some of the exposed bronze gone green with age. Average Bronze Torc, Painting/Enamel (extensive), Inlay (cheap, extensive), Corroded (CF -0.25). $1,788, 2.25 lbs.
An iron strongbox divided into small cubicles. It carries with it the faint scent of decay, but provides the user with flaming hands while the moon is waning. Strongbox, Iron, Compartmentalized, Scent (Decay), Burning Touch (Time Restrictions (Waning Moon)). $4,725, 18 lbs.
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For those of you not from a technical background: since the prophecies from the ancient scrolls aren't compatible with duotronic circuits, I'll need to reroute sub-light power through a matrix to regenerate the dilithium crystals before I can get the warp drive back on line.